The sequence feels like wandering through a series of tiny, self‑contained moments, each one slipping into the next before you’ve fully grasped it. There’s a quiet, almost meditative quality to the images, as if the poem were teaching you to pay attention to things you’d normally overlook. Frost on a chrysanthemum, a trembling blade of grass, a kettle whistling into snow — they all land with a kind of gentle clarity. The shifts between voices are so smooth you barely notice them; it feels like one long breath shared between three minds. What struck me most is how the poem holds stillness and movement at the same time. Nothing lingers, yet everything leaves a faint mark. It’s like walking through a landscape that keeps changing shape around you, but never loses its calm. By the end, you’re left with a soft, lingering quiet, as if the world has slowed down just enough for you to notice it.
Much enjoyed your collective rengas, such wonderful weavings of nature’s relationships with itself and others. Once upon a time, I wrote short form poetry. I think I have something similar but in a collective senryu. Based on a Japanese love story. I will go back and read these again to enjoy once more.
This almost feels like a song in poetic form, as if nature itself were murmuring a chant through the poet’s hand. Your voices seem to fit together with an uncanny harmony.
I always love how these come together!
The sequence feels like wandering through a series of tiny, self‑contained moments, each one slipping into the next before you’ve fully grasped it. There’s a quiet, almost meditative quality to the images, as if the poem were teaching you to pay attention to things you’d normally overlook. Frost on a chrysanthemum, a trembling blade of grass, a kettle whistling into snow — they all land with a kind of gentle clarity. The shifts between voices are so smooth you barely notice them; it feels like one long breath shared between three minds. What struck me most is how the poem holds stillness and movement at the same time. Nothing lingers, yet everything leaves a faint mark. It’s like walking through a landscape that keeps changing shape around you, but never loses its calm. By the end, you’re left with a soft, lingering quiet, as if the world has slowed down just enough for you to notice it.
I’m glad you noticed it 🙏🏻
Feels like a chant reads like poetry. Great stuff
Stopped in my tracks . love.
Much enjoyed your collective rengas, such wonderful weavings of nature’s relationships with itself and others. Once upon a time, I wrote short form poetry. I think I have something similar but in a collective senryu. Based on a Japanese love story. I will go back and read these again to enjoy once more.
This almost feels like a song in poetic form, as if nature itself were murmuring a chant through the poet’s hand. Your voices seem to fit together with an uncanny harmony.
That's a lovely description and I know what you mean, I find that it almost makes more sense to read aloud.